What attachment style will an inconsistent parenting style?
The attachment theory is probably one of the most studied when it comes to parenting. That’s not surprising. Although attachment in the early years centers on the relationship of a child and their caregiver (usually Mom), it also influences future relationships — including romantic ones. Show
Let’s take a closer look at how you (knowingly or unknowingly) shape how your child reacts in certain situations — and how it comes down to attachment style. Parents have many roles: You teach your children, discipline them, and take them to the dentist. And whether you realize it or not, you also influence them just by being there. Your presence is about making your child feel loved, safe, secure, and protected. This leads to attachment. The attachment theory was developed in the 1960s and 1970s by British psychologist John Bowlby and American Canadian psychologist Mary Ainsworth. It discusses how parents (specifically moms) who are present and responsive to their baby’s needs give their child a safe base from which to venture forth with confidence to explore the big, wide world — and then return to for comfort. So, you’re building a future. And here’s why:
Ainsworth defined three main types of attachment. Later researchers added a four type. These are:
Secure attachment is what you’re aiming for. It happens when parents or other caregivers are:
In relationships with secure attachment, parents let their children go out and about but are there for them when they come back for security and comfort. These parents pick up their child, play with them, and reassure them when needed. So, the child learns they can express negative emotions and someone will help them. Children who develop secure attachment learn how to trust and have healthy self-esteem. Sounds like bliss! As adults, these children are in touch with their feelings, are competent, and generally have successful relationships. This type of attachment happens when parents respond to their child’s needs sporadically. Care and protection are sometimes there — and sometimes not. In anxious-insecure attachment, the child can’t rely on their parents to be there when needed. Because of this, the child fails to develop any feelings of security from the attachment figure. And since the child can’t rely on their parent to be there if they feel threatened, they won’t easily move away from the parent to explore. The child becomes more demanding and even clingy, hoping that their exaggerated distress will force the parent to react. In anxious-insecure attachment, the lack of predictability means that the child eventually becomes needy, angry, and distrustful. Sometimes, a parent has trouble accepting and responding sensitively to their child’s needs. Instead of comforting the child, the parent:
This leads to avoidant-insecure attachment. In addition, the child may be expected to help the parent with their own needs. The child learns that it’s best to avoid bringing the parent into the picture. After all, the parent doesn’t respond in a helpful manner. In avoidant-insecure attachment, the child learns that their best bet is to shut down their feelings and become self-reliant. Ainsworth showed that children with an avoidant-insecure attachment won’t turn to the parent when they’re distressed and try to minimize showing negative emotions. About 15 percent of babies in groups with low psychosocial risk — and as many as 82 percent of those in high-risk situations — develop disorganized-insecure attachment, according to 2004 research. In this case, parents show atypical behavior: They reject, ridicule, and frighten their child. Parents who display these behaviors often have a past that includes unresolved trauma. Tragically, when the child approaches the parent, they feel fear and increased anxiety instead of care and protection. The first three attachment styles are sometimes referred to as “organized.” That’s because the child learns how they have to behave and organizes their strategy accordingly. This fourth attachment style, however, is considered “disorganized” because the child’s strategy is disorganized — and so is their resulting behavior. Eventually, the child starts to develop behaviors that help them feel somewhat safe. For example, the child may:
So, how do children with different attachment styles react in any given situation? Secure attachment
Anxious-insecure attachment
Avoidant-insecure attachment
Disorganized-insecure attachment
Childhood attachment styles can affect the way adults feel and behave in their relationships. While that puts quite a burden on parents’ shoulders, it’s important to remember that everyone makes their own choices. Secure attachmentChildren who experienced secure childhood attachment generally move on to successful intimate relationships as adults. They are honest, supportive, and comfortable with sharing their feelings. Secure attachment can prepare a child for other social challenges and this, in turn, leads to their success. Anxious-insecure attachmentClingy children may grow into clingy adults. Adults with an anxious-insecure attachment are more likely to become demanding and possessive in relationships and even codependent. They’re constantly second-guessing whether they’ve done too much — or too little — for their relationship. Related: 8 tips for overcoming codependence Avoidant-insecure attachmentDo you know someone who just won’t commit? Adults with avoidant-insecure attachment may avoid relationships, period. They’re more likely to be dismissive and fearful and keep others at a distance. Disorganized-insecure attachmentThe 2004 research mentioned earlier suggested that teens who had this type of attachment with their primary caregiver as babies had higher levels of overall psychopathology at age 17. They were also more likely to show impaired formal operational skills and have trouble with self-regulation as they got older. Bowlby believed the attachment styles that you develop in your early years remain relatively unchanged for the rest of your life. He suggests that people react according to an “if, then” paradigm: “If I am upset, then I can count on my partner to support me (or not).” Luckily, neuroscience has shown us that things aren’t as simple as that. We can change the way our brains work. The first step is noticing there’s a problem and deciding you want to make a change. The second is actually making that change. A 2018 study, for example, shows show that cognitive behavioral therapy may lead to significant changes. Parenting is about sculpting a future for your child. Aim to be there for them — emotionally and physically — and you can encourage the secure attachment that leads to the healthiest behaviors in adulthood. Don’t worry if you don’t always get it right. And if you feel that you’d like to work toward changing your own attachment style, remember that nothing is carved in stone. How does parenting style affect attachment style?Studies showed that an authoritative parenting style results in the development of secure attachment. Affective warmth, sensitivity, acceptance and the emotional accessibility of parents were associated with secure attachment.
What attachment style is associated with Unaffectionate and inconsistent parenting?Avoidant Attachment Characteristics
Children with avoidant attachment styles tend to avoid parents and caregivers. This avoidance often becomes especially pronounced after a period of absence.
What is inconsistent attachment?People with an insecure attachment style generally have trouble making emotional connections with others. They can be aggressive or unpredictable toward their loved ones—a behavior that is rooted in the lack of consistent love and affection they experienced in their childhood.
What parenting style causes avoidant attachment?Parents who are strict and emotionally distant, do not tolerate the expression of feelings, and expect their child to be independent and tough might raise children with an avoidant attachment style.
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