How does a childs interaction with media and technology strengthen relationships?

After watching a 'Social Media, Technology and the Mental Health and Well-being of Families' webinar by Dr Fiona Pienaar, I wanted to share some of my thoughts on how social media and technology can affect families - both positively and negatively.

Growing up with the likes of the N64 and game boys, MSN messenger and playing snake on my Dad’s Nokia 5160, technology was constantly evolving and was quite a large part of my teenage years. But I am very glad that the majority of my childhood was spent playing out in the street or on adventures, rather than sat in front of a TV or iPad, which a lot of children seem to know as the norm these days.

A study, conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation, on media influence found that children ages 8 to 18 spent over 7 hours a day using electronic devices. That equates to about 50 hours per week.

Numerous research studies show that when children are watching their screens they are missing out on interpersonal relationship skills.Excessive screen time can lead to obesity and difficulty with maintaining relationships and focus.

Effects of Social Media on Relationships

A study by Khalid revealed that 40% of participants thought that the use of technology and social media results in less emotional bonding among real life relations because people concentrate more on virtual ties. Whereas only 25% strongly agree they use the internet to intensify online contacts with their relatives.

As humans, we are social by nature and crave bonding within relationships. We may feel that we are connected through social media, but it strips us of our ability to hear and see verbal and nonverbal messages.

Studies have shown that as parents increase screen time, so do children. Screen time in these studies included smart phones, television, computers and video games. Children mimic what they are taught, and if parents are often checking their phones or spending time on social media, children are likely to copy this behaviour.

The Negative Effects

Psychologists are increasingly concerned that technology is breaking down family communication.

Generally, parents are more involved on their phones, with the line between work and personal responsibilities blurred. 70% of women said that mobile phones, computers and/or the TV interfere with their relationship a majority of the time. Researchers are finding that individuals communicate more often with family and friends due to technology, but the style and type of communication is potentially weaker.

But for children, computer and mobile technology have provided an independence in their communications with friends. When I was younger, if I wanted to get in touch with a friend, I'd have to call them on a home phone or knock on their door, both of which may have been answered by a parent. Thus, parents had the opportunity to monitor and act as gatekeepers for their children's social lives.

From a child’s point of view, this technological divide between their parents and themselves is seen as freedom from over-involvement and ‘intrusion’ on the part of their parents in their lives. From another perspective, parents may see it as a loss of connection to their children. ‘At the same time, perhaps a bit cynically, children’s time-consuming immersion in technology may also mean that parents don’t have to bother with entertaining their children, leaving them more time to themselves.’

The Positive Effects

That being said, the use of social media and technology isn't all bad when it comes to building and maintaining relationships. I'm aware of quite a lot of families (often with older children) who now have family WhatsApp groups to be able to easily communicate with each other when apart, and keep other family members up to date on their comings and goings. Facetime, Skype and social media are also perfect for keeping families united in long distance settings that come as a result of emigration, work or university, for example.

It can also help reignite relationships and connections, with 59% of people agreeing that they use the internet to renew online contacts with old friends or estranged family members.

Technology is also helpful for families of divorce or separation through more immediate voice or face contact; and allowing children to perhaps talk to one parent without the need to go through the other, alleviating the chance of conflict significantly.

So how can I reduce my screen time?

In this day and age, technology and social media is inevitably going to play a huge role in our lives, but finding a balance is key.

Here are a few tips that could help your family reduce screen time and limit the amount of time you spend online:

• Limit your own screen time and take every opportunity to engage your child in conversation: setting a daily limit for the time you spend on your devices can help this, you can do this on your phone directly.
• Ensure that all electronics are stopped from being used at least 60-30 minutes before bed. The more electronic devices that a person uses in the evening, the harder it is to fall asleep or stay asleep. Besides increasing your alertness at a time when you should be getting sleepy, which in turn delays your bedtime, using these devices before turning in delays the onset of REM sleep, reduces the total amount of REM sleep, and compromises alertness the next morning.
• Keep TV's and computers in the communal areas of your home.
• Create 'technology-free time' where you set a time (meals, evenings, days-out, for example) where a device free zone is established.
• Make television or movie watching a family activity. Even though you're still in front of a screen, it becomes a more social activity and could help with relationship-building.
• Model healthy electronic use. If you cut down your screen time, your spouse and children will most likely follow suit.

Did you find this useful? Do you have any more tips that could benefit others? Be sure to let me know!

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